i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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