if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
