He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Enjoy the penises
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
