32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
