Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Girls should come with a carfax report
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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