I skipped work to stalk him.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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