I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
