I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
