i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
