A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
