Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
