I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
