Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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