Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
