If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
