feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
