oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
