Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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