Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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