you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
