so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
