Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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