Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
