my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
