Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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