I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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