nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
