Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
