just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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