Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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