I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
