she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We need to get me chipped asap
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
