so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
