you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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