sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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