This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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