whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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