oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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