Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
