the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
