just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
