discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Even my vagina gasped.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
