I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
