Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
