when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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