we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
