honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
