Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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