Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
