Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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