I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Randomize
