I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
