He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
