my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So squirting runs in the family.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
