the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
