need another drink. this is the easiest way
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
